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Jun 23, 2009

Comments

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A. Bulluck

Great column. Father/Son relationships are fascinating. In my case it's brought out the best and the worst in both of us. Once upon a time we were about to beat the crap out each other (freshman year of college) and the next, he's the best man in my wedding. Like you, I can't ever say that I'd call my dad a "friend." He's not my friend, never had been (Sorry pops!). He's my dad - it's a relationship unto itself. My heart really cries out for that guy who never knew his father or never had any sort of relationship with him. I've learned a lot in school and in work, but I'm pretty sure the most valuable lessons of my life have been learned passively through my father.

Ed Cone

I miss having had an adult relationship with my father. I'm grateful for us both that I was 25 and reasonably grown up when he died, rather than 20 and a complete idiot.

And I really hate that he missed out on being a grandfather, which seems like the best job going, and which (as an emailer pointed out to me) can soften up even the stern men.

Marshall

so at 20 you were a complete idiot....

I agree that today you are not a complete idiot. :-)

I miss my Dad.

Lex

My dad was, to put it mildly, emotionally unavailable when my sibs and I were growing up. After the (in hindsight, inevitable) divorce, he eventually got together with a woman whose four kids from a previous marriage had been, at the least, emotionally abused by their own dad. And wonder of wonders: 1) Dad turned out to be a much better dad to them than he ever was to us when we were their age; and 2) I, at least, was delighted, for them and him. For one thing, they really needed it. And for another, how often does life give you a second chance to do the right thing when the stakes are that complicated and high?

He's four years gone, but more and more I'm detecting bits of him in my own son -- everything from sociability and budding salesmanship to a taste for cashews and boiled peanuts.

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